The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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