The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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