Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
