When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
