I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
