D3 body, D1 cock
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
