If that was your dad, he is hot
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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