What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
