I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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