Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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