Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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