I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
