matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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