I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
is wine microwaveable?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
