i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
