he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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