come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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