i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
