i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
