Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
