I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
