its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
