hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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