last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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