The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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