dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
