I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
