I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
