I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
