I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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