Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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