oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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