I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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