Where did you get a picture of my penis
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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