i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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