addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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