And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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