True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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