thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
