i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
