you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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