the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
