I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
