Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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