dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
