3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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