my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
