Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
