Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
