either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
