could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
